Why is it so important to belong to a community?

Community comes from the root “common”, which describes something that binds a group of people together – a place they all live in, or common social or cultural characteristics. This first common point extends beyond proximity and leads to a shared identity, values, and a sense of collective responsibility. Communities can be large or small, from close-knit neighborhoods to complex societies. They can last very long or be short-timed.

Sociology shows that communities have a great role in shaping people’s identitiesⁱ: they provide them social support and influence their patterns of social interaction. This role has a significant impact to the dynamics of societies, at various levels. Strong, supportive communities are for instance crucial for fostering sustainable democracies, as they promote social cohesion, trust, and active citizen engagement. When individuals feel connected and valued within their communities, they are more likely to participate in democratic processes and contribute to the collective well-being.

My interest in communities came partly from my own story - I was born in a small village in France, grew up in a tight community of people knowing each other and I met frequently my extended family living nearby. When I turned 18, I went to bigger cities to study, from the less populated area of France to Paris, and it would be an understatement to say that the culture difference was HUGE. From a very tight-knit ecosystem to a completely anonymous ecosystem.

What helped me the most during my 7 years in Paris was at first the presence of my sister and cousin, who were also studying there. I had the feeling that that I could call them and figure it out if any serious trouble would arise. Hobbies were one other thing that helped me get to know new people. I started practicing a martial art and made a lot of friendships through it. I found people I shared values with. I expressed myself more. I felt listened to and supported. I blossomed.

From those two living experiences in different environments, those were my learnings:

• In the close-knit community in the countryside, I could come back there and find it evolved, but with some things always the same; it gave me a feeling of stability.

• In bigger cities like Paris, it took longer to find a community I belonged in, the ways of finding it were not geographical, but I could count on them after leaving them geographically, for mutual moral support: it gave me a feeling of reliability.

A bit later I heard of an 80-year study led in Harvard, named Grant and Glueck studies, about what makes a happy lifeⁱⁱ.

The researchers followed the lives of 238 Harvard sophomores since 1938, and added also their families and some more people, and their wives later. They recorded who was healthy and who was not, how their marriages and careers turned out, what they died from.

Do you know what they found?

The thing in people’s lives that has the biggest impact, that makes their life happy and successful, or difficult and miserable, is the COMMUNITY of people around them. People you interact with, that you trust, that you know you can rely on in case of difficulties. A healthy functioning group, to which you bring your contribution, and the other people theirs. Life partner(s), friends, family, interactions with reliable and mutual support.

It doesn’t have to be perfect, people bicker and go through conflicts and storms, but when you know you can count on other people, you live longer and more happily.

Loneliness kills, as much as smoking or alcohol. COVID era made it more extreme. I heard of people in retirement homes who lost the will to live – and let themselves die - as they couldn’t meet their relatives. I suffered from a huge depression that was eating day after day all my hope, cost me my job, and led to major life changes. I heard of several of my friends suffering from depression or burn-out. It seriously affected their studies or work. In early 2023 a study from Red Cross was stating that 1/3 of 15-34 years old in Finland feel excludedⁱⁱⁱ. It’s a lot.

When you are in another country, that you don’t know when you can meet your loved ones again, when they are several thousand kilometers away, that the borders are closed, it feels like there is very little you can rely on. Despite the social security, the fact of having a job, the comfy apartment. When you feel lonely, you don’t want to help other people nor express yourself. You disengage from the society. It feels like “me versus them” somehow, not like “we are together in this boat”. But we are still together in this boat.

Money is one thing, but people are born and raised through love, care and attention, and need love, care, attention; they need to belong in a group to thrive. You need a listening audience to express yourself and be heard. All those little moments of just chatting with someone, feeling seen and supported, seeing and supporting someone, are life changers. Asking for help, receiving help/support, is also a life changer. It makes you feel part of a group of people.  And that feeling is powerful because it repels fear, worry, and anxiety. It makes you more grounded, thereby contributing to the overall stability and functionality of the society. It makes you grateful too, so you want to bring back something to the community for example by engaging in civic duties or collective decision-making. Not only because it feels fair, also because it makes you feel good to be part of something bigger than you.

So, then, do you have such a community around you? If not, or if you feel lonely despite having other people around, how do you join one? Where do you start? How do you build it? How do you balance the need of alone time versus the need for socializing? How to make this community healthy?

The answers vary with individuals, communities, and societies. I think we can still do some things at our small scale, every day, and a little bit. Ultimately, these small steps contribute to the larger fabric of society, strengthening democratic structures by fostering active, engaged, and supportive citizens.

For me, what became a life changer in Helsinki was found through hobbies. I joined a knitting club, with supportive and welcoming members, and when I go knitting there, it’s like being with my aunts and neighbors in my small village – we chat and have tea and laugh. Everyone has their issues, but during this crafting time, we have shared emotions, knowledge, or just some fun. This club brought me also so much information of what is happening in Helsinki – as a foreigner, this hidden information was gold.

From what I have learned and observed, I want to make the information about crafts events more easily available, as it seems they are scattered. I created a page named word_of_craft on Instagram, for a start. Each week I post about crafts related events and workshops in Helsinki area, with an emphasis on the events accessible in English, for my fellow internationals who need time to adjust to Finland; they deserve hobbies and social interaction as much as anyone else, as it makes life smoother.

So, my advice would be: is there something you like doing? That resonates in you when you hear the word “fun”? Do it. Then, do it with a group of people. If there is a club nearby, try it. Try other ones if you don’t like the first one. Do some crafts, sports, games, music, art, whatever makes you creative and happy. And during this experience, talk with the people around. Listen to them. Dare to ask for help and offer help (and it doesn’t have to be something big). Check on your neighbors. Ask them for salt. Talk to them in the elevator, maybe.

One small step at a time. This is how communities are built. Your step counts.

Emilie Ressouche

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^[1] Source : Wikipedia, article « community » in English, checked on 01/07/2024

^[2] https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/, checked on 01/07/2024

^[3] https://www.redcross.fi/news/2023/increasing-number-of-people-in-finland-affected-by-loneliness/, checked on 04/07/2024

This blog was inspired by this article:

https://web.archive.org/web/20180116102219/http://blog.davidmanise.com/ceux-sur-qui-on-peut-compter (revised 15/07/2024)

Description of Emilie Ressouche:

Formerly researcher in chemistry and materials sciences at Aalto University, Emilie Ressouche now provides consulting services in sustainable and bio-based materials to companies, as well as support for their extension to French-speaking markets. Besides that, she wants to support the integration of internationals in Finland. She was part of the TREMOR incubator program from University of Helsinki in 2023-2024 and launched the initiative "Word of Craft", where word of mouth is collected and amplified for finding arts- and craft-related activities.